Who would have guessed that six episodes in, we’d be in a place where Victoria F was referring to someone as “weepy.”
We start out the episode with the revelation of who will receive the coveted one-on-one, and much like Mykenna, Natasha is displeased that she has been passed over yet again. However, the parallels between these sentiments ends there, as Natasha contrasts Mykenna’s weepiness by coming in hot with the no bullshit take that I’ve come to love about her.
I must commend Hannah Ann – despite early attempts to portray her as a villainous “champagne stealer,” she has managed to shirk the villain label. I suspect this has been achieved through a conscious effort to stick to a close circle of friends within the house, and to actively extricate herself from any dramatic situations, as seen here:
While this is impressive from a narrative comeback perspective, the downside is that I don’t really feel like I know that much about her. As a result, it’s very difficult for me to gauge her personality or compatibility with Peter at this point.
Luckily we have Peter’s exposition here to color these behind the scenes moments, because I would not have judged Hannah Ann to be “goofy” based solely on her limited house interactions.
But goofiness is not enough, and Peter reveals he has some deep seated concerns.
Let’s give the girl a break – she’s 23. She just got dating frat boys one to two years prior, if anything she should be commended for not falling for Chad from SAE.
All doubts are quickly assuaged though, because Hannah Ann shows that she is more than the goofy girl – she too can break down in tears over her feelings.
We then go to my favorite group date of the season, or really of recent memory – ¡the telenovela! All of the classic tropes are there – The Bombshell, The Ex-Lover, the Sexy Nurse, and most importantly –
These dates provide a great opportunity for the producers to reveal their true savagery. It’s a thinly veiled chance to exploit a contestant’s vulnerability by placing them in an undesirable role that plays into their biggest insecurities. A prime example – making Annaliese from Arie’s season, who seemed to be in a perpetually unstable and triggered state, serve the role as poop scooper during the dog show date. Casting Mykenna as the Maid who dusts in the background while he pursues all of the other characters validates her concerns about not being seen by Peter too well for it to be a coincidence. In fact, this characterization is so impactful to her that when the script has Pedro finally realizing that the Maid was his true love all along, she takes it as a sign that they’re meant to be together. Never mind the fact that Peter took it upon himself to rewrite his own alternate ending.
Another great casting move – relegating the previously “injured” Victoria P to the role of golf cart accident victim, complete with a neck brace.
Despite her diminished presence after Alayah’s departure (her telenovela performance wasn’t even aired, aside from the above eye roll) Victoria P was the first surprise breakup of the season for me. I am officially terrible at this prediction thing, because I truly thought she was a front runner whose reputation could not be tarnished by any of her shady behavior.
I’m also forced to question my judgment even further, because I really liked Tammy, and she’s turning out to be the absolute WORST. Continuing the tradition of the villain taking it upon themself to make a toast…
…she then went out of her way to get on her soapbox about wanting to leave the drama behind them, and now here she is, calling Mykenna out for who even knows what.
We then get to our second (AND Victoria F’s second) one-on-one date, which Peter awards her because they “didn’t get a fair chance” on their first one due to the Chase Rice debacle.
And mess up the date she does. Victoria F is stunning, and she has shown glimpses of strength over the past weeks that do make her seem a bit dynamic (the “linger-y” catwalk, confronting Alayah), but in my opinion those things aren’t enough to make up for the fact that she cries EVERY time they have 1:1 time together. Peter says he’s looking for someone serious, but she can’t even handle a difficult conversation.
Her actions make it pretty clear that she isn’t fully equipped for a healthy, serious relationship, and her statements don’t do anything to inspire further confidence on that front. Furthermore, she has yet to give Peter any of the real validation that he consistently seeks demands from all of the other women.
There’s only one explanation for Peter’s willingness to overlook these red flags: he’s sprung.
The episode closes out with the most pointless two-on-one date ever. The producers didn’t even bother with their usual shenanigans of driving the girls out to the Badlands or some random swamp – even they were like “let’s just get this over with.” Peter went out of his way to justify this decision and assure Natasha that he’s “not about the drama,” yet he held last minute two-on-one and sent one girl home, only to send the second girl home 30 minutes later.
And with that, we get through the longest week in Bachelor history – including the weekly time suck that is Bachelor in Paradise. I’ll close out with a quick recap:
Frontrunners
Victoria F
I never thought I’d say this, but Peter’s insistence on pursuing her despite every attempt at self sabotage is undeniable.
Madison / Paola
He kissed her with the passion of a thousand Chilean suns. Enough said.
Chopping Block
Natasha
As much as it pains me to say this, I’m not sure how long your relationship can last when you’ve already been lapped on one-on-ones. Now that the only other two girls who had yet to receive a one-on-one are gone (Sydney and Mykenna), it seems like just a matter of time.
Outstanding Questions
Does Hannah Ann understand exactly what a pilot does?
