It’s week two and as predicted, the embarrassing sexcapades we were promised from the second group date of the season are no more – but it proves to be a worthy sacrifice.
Hannah is being a fuckboy right now. All the classic fuckboy practices are in play:
1. Failing to reciprocate the love and affection their partner is offering.
2. Expecting their partner to simply ignore past rejections and discrepancies.
3. Coming back after the person has moved on to explore what they may be missing out on.
She’s essentially saying, “I can’t promise you that you’re my forever person and that I’m willing to match what you’ve already offered emotionally. But why don’t you abandon this opportunity to be the Bachelor to explore this with me.” Even when Peter finally says “I can’t do this,” she still tries to reel him back in:
Every girl has done their own personal version of “the lip thing” in an attempt to sway a tough conversation in their favor.
Even though I 100% expected this outcome, I still felt this goodbye. Between the length of their embrace, and the placement of Peter’s head on Hannah’s shoulder, it’s like they’re both taking in the experience of each other for one last time.
I love this reply to the clearly prompted answer to the Producers’ follow-up. Peter verbally says:
but his eyebrows say “Why the fuck are you asking me such an obvious question.”
If this isn’t the age old question, I don’t know what is. I’ve always been of the mindset that you’ll continue to harbor some feelings for the last person you loved until you meet someone who proves that you are in fact capable of feeling that and even more with a different person. But in the end, who truly knows what the “right” approach is.
Naturally, no one is going to be happy to have their suspicions about Hannah and Peter confirmed, especially when it negatively impacts the time they have with him. While I don’t blame Peter for going through this emotional rollercoaster and at least entertaining Hannah’s proposition, I do feel like Peter needs to hold some accountability. I loved the way Alexa addressed that – she led by asking Peter how he felt and gave him the opportunity to explain herself, but didn’t jump to excuse the situation or tell him “it’s okay.” And when she did push back on his decision-making, it was in a light hearted way. Her quiet confidence and non-confrontational demeanor throughout this inherently awkward situation truly impressed me.
Natasha had a decidedly different approach.
Her previous sentiments left me fairly certain Peter was in for a roasting…
but in the end she also handled it with grace!
By the end of the group date I think it’s safe to say that Peter’s mind has moved past Hannah, and more towards giving his all to what’s ahead…
Sure, if that’s what we’re calling it. Next time someone inquires about a past hookup of mine I reserve the right to rebrand the experience as me just “showing him who I am.”
As the rose ceremony draws near and girls begin to shoot their shot, we are faced with the champagne crisis. If there were a written Bachelor rulebook, it would clearly advise against leaving your date set-up unattended.
The very producer who prompted you to talk about why you chose to set up the champagne will be the same one to watch another girl claim it as their own while making zero moves to interfere.
The moment is officially ruined, as is the makeup that Kelsey just had redone. As a general rule, if you’re trying to emphasize the significance of something, it’s probably best not to lead with this:
Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse, it does:
And then it gets EVEN WORSE:
Lest we thought the confrontations this season were all going to be as meek as Shiann’s, Kelsey is here to overcompensate for last week. She has scarified a year-old bottle of Des Moines champagne for this one-one-one time tonight, and she is not about to idly sit back while girls monopolize Peter.
In what I’m SURE was a complete coincidence, Kelsey and Hannah Ann end up side-by-side during the rose ceremony.
Hannah Ann gets called relatively early, but Kelsey’s name is relegated to the villain rose – if multiple contestants are ever rooting for one single person to get sent home in a rose ceremony, that person always gets the final rose of the evening. It creates the perfect storm – the audience has enough time to sweat, the producers have enough time to intercut footage of the other contestants talking shit about them through the duration of the ceremony, and the villain has just enough time to question their standing before their actions are eventually validated.
Kelsey does stop just short of fully leaning into the Bachelor villain tropes, as she turns down Peter’s offer to deliver the eyeball inducing post-rose ceremony toast that villains seem to be so fond of giving.
Despite the ensuing drama, the TRUE star of the rose ceremony was Sarah, who is serving a level of cockiness I can only aspire to, despite being a relative unknown in the season thus far.
The next group date is the obligatory brand integration shopping date of the season, which is typically both the most basic date and the closest the girls get to acting like the Bachelor is their real life boyfriend – by dragging him to a mall against his will.
This time it’s been ratcheted up to a modeling competition with a full wardrobe on the line.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that for at least some of the girls, this prize potential was far more motivating than one-on-one time with Peter would have been.
There are two ways to put it all out there in a competition like this. One of those ways is symbolic, and skips all dating norms to go straight to presenting yourself in a wedding dress.
The other is more literal, as you’re physically putting it all out there as a lingerie model.
Both, as it turns out, work to great effect, as Hannah Ann and Victoria F found their way in the final walk-off as the top 2 models.
Interestingly, what should have continued on to be a great night for both girls was eventually derailed by both of them. While Victoria F. had an undeniably problematic start to the date, I thought that her walk would be a turning point for her, the sort of “fake it till you make it” confidence boost she needed to rid herself of the constant self doubt.
But all of that progress was immediately undone once she was awarded second place. I do wish this could have panned out to be a true underdog story resulting in a victory, but Hannah Ann clearly had the better final walk – and at this point, you truly have to get out of your own head. Carson Cressly and Janice Dickinson don’t dictate the way Peter feels about you, he does.
Despite Victoria’s oh so convincing performance, Peter somehow manages to pick up on her distress.
In typical Peter fashion, he does his best to rectify the situation, now faced with comforting a crying female for the third time in just this episode.
Luckily for us, they both signed away any semblance of privacy, so we get to see this all unfold. I feel like his words were already impressive as far as reassurance goes, but he went above and beyond with the ultimate tangible symbol of relationship security – the group date rose.
Hannah Ann’s choice to stir up conflict is even more baffling, given that she’s in a position that any other girl in the house would kill to be in at the moment.
Um, pretty sure Kelsey gave zero fucks about ripping into you in front of Peter, so he probably has a pretty good idea. If there’s a rule in the Bachelor playbook about leaving your date set-up unattended, there’s an entire chapter about not squandering your time with the lead by ratting out other people in the house. With the exception of Jed, I can’t recall any recent instance in which a house snitch wound up being the final selection – and we all saw how that turned out.
Frontrunners
Lexy
Their interaction seemed very genuine, and as I suspected the car DID have an impact on Peter:
On top of that, she really just has a very chill, calming effect.
Madison
She already has a pet name (though it’s unclear if she assigned it to herself under the guise of a fan account) AND he said it already feels like they’ve been dating for years. May sound crazy, but to be fair, I’ve had two boyfriends of over two years, and neither of them ever invited me to a family wedding. Additionally, both of the parents love her, so I’m doubling down on my prediction that she’s the subject of this scene at the end of the season.
Chopping Block
Kelsey
This quote may as well have come from Peter.
Shiann
Not much to say here – I just haven’t seen many examples of her connection with Peter, and I feel like her emotions have been running high since night one.
Victoria F
One champagne chug is a power move, two in back to back episodes is a breakdown about to surface. Yes, she has a rose this week, but I could honestly see her sending herself home down the line.
Unanswered Questions
- Why are my standouts getting sent home so early?? Between Maurissa and Lauren, I can’t handle this heartbreak.
- Is Tammy placing side bets on the outcome of the rose ceremonies? I thought one Bachelor gambling scandal was enough for this season.
- How many more times will my Alexa start playing some random Lizzo song when Peter calls out her name throughout the course of the season? Over/under the number of times Peter tells someone they have a “beautiful heart?”
Another great show in the books! Until next week. Comment with your thoughts and predictions for the weeks to come!
