If a picture is worth 1000 words, a couple’s Halloween costume post is worth a suspiciously long anniversary caption on Instagram. Here are the top 2023 costumes for couples who want to make a statement more substantial than “one year down, forever to go.”

Toxic couples

Ariana Grande and Spongebob – this one is pretty obvious, but optimal for couples who aren’t ashamed of leaning into mess. Bonus points if you invite a female friend with newborn to make it a group costume.

Ben Affleck…and a cigarette – We’ll get to Ben and J.Lo later, leave that for the securely attached couples. This one is for the couple who know they should quit each other, but just can’t.

Will and Jada – For that WILL they won’t they couple. I should see myself out for that one, but I won’t.

Ken and a horse – Sure, Barbie and Ken had a toxic relationship, but that’s predictable. The only relationship more toxic was Ken’s relationship with the patriarchy, best embodied as Stallone-inspired Ken alongside his beloved stallion. I would say spoiler alert, but if you haven’t seen the Barbie movie by this point in 2023, that’s on you.

Kylie and her phone background – This one isn’t so much of a couple’s costume as it is scheme for anyone anxious to force the DTR convo. It’s simple, but diabolical – you change your phone background to a picture of you and the situationship partner in question, then post a photo of yourself with the phone background casually (but INTENTIONALLY) in frame. No promises on how they’ll respond, but you’ll have your answer either way.

Power couples

Ben & J.Lo – I promised I’d get to them – this costume is especially powerful for the couples who broke up and got back together against their friends’ advisement (but ONLY if you’re objectively thriving)

ALT Ben & Dunkin’ Donuts – If you’re as obsessed with Ben Affleck as I clearly am, but want your costume to embody a bond that’s truly unbreakable. 

Taylor Swift & Travis – Before you’re disappointed that I ended on such a basic, predictable note, hear me out. Double date couples’ costume, with one couple dressed as Taylor Swift and Travis BARKER, and the other dressed as Kourtney Kardashian and Travis KELCE. No one will see it coming, and NOW I will see myself out.