This week Interstates goes international with Sydney native Kylie Tran, as we discuss her dating experiences during the time she spent in Berlin. She explains how fuckboys vary by continent, and how the European men she encountered compared to the stereotypes of their respective homelands. In diving into her dating history, she reveals her tendency to remain friends with exes, a particularly troubled fuckboy who perpetually lingers in her DMs, moving in with a boyfriend one month into dating, and the lessons to be learned from these men and more.
For the ultimate food and travel porn, along with the occasional dog, find Kylie on Instagram : @kylieyeah
This week I interview author Julie Glynn about the voice in your head that tells you you’re a “fugly slut” – your inner mean girl. We discuss how to combat her negativity, whether she’s mentally cockblocking you from pursuing the relationship you deserve, or convincing you that you shouldn’t join the Mathletes because it would be social suicide. From there, we identify ways that this toxicity manifests itself IRL, in the form of bullies, frenemies, and unsupportive partners, aad how to cut out all of the poison from those relationships. Finally, we debate which famous mean girl deserves the title of Queen Bee.
To order a copy of If My Ass Were Smaller, Life Would Be Perfect – And Other Lies the Mean Girl in Your Head tells you : julieglynn.com
This week I interview the co-hosts of Dope Sh*t My Therapist Says podcast, Lauren Fractor and Ryanne Gatti. This episode addresses the ways we let dating impact our mental health – like pressuring ourselves to maintain a cool girl façade, or saying yes to dates you’re lukewarm about because “this could be the one.” Lauren and Ryanne dish out tangible, concrete advice about moving on from your ex, and reveal why you’re probably better off severing ties and blocking them on social. And for anyone seeking external support with their internal health, they offer professional insights into how to go about finding a therapist who meets your needs, plus affordable resources to make the financial commitment less daunting.
For self care in the form of affirmations and validation for all your therapeutic indulgences : @dopeshttherapypod
I interview Alina Tang about coming into your own while you’re on your own, discussing the transition from serial monogamy to the dating apps. We reflect on the challenge of balancing your partner with your own needs and interests, and ponder how to maintain the best version of yourself even while you’re in a relationship. We end the episode with a game of red flag or dealbreaker that debates the very red flags that exes have helped us identify and avoid.
To hear more of Alina’s poignant takes on dating and relationships, check out Alina’s Medium page
This week, Jonathan Hernandez and I commiserate about the inherent biases built into the online dating process, discussing how external factors like perceptions about race or height preferences can serve to limit your options on the app. Jonathan reveals the one fate worse than the friend zone, and shares his tactics for escaping. Finally, we dive into how to keep romance alive in spite of the difficulties of dating during quarantine.
To hear Jonathan talk about pro NBA players shooting THEIR shot, check him out on The Lakers Legacy Podcast on:
This week’s episode features a young woman named Emily, who finds herself pursuing a career faraway from home, and highlights her journey and experiences dating men in the capital of a foreign country. Only this time, it’s not Emily in Paris, it’s Emily in Ottawa. She opens up quite candidly about living in a city with a population smaller than that of your high school, and the associated feeling that your dating life is public knowledge to everyone, even border patrol. We discuss the adjustments that come with dating men who demonstrate distance in a multitude of ways – physical distance, emotional distance, distance in political views, and even distance between their two bottom teeth. The episode ends with a series of Canada-themed pick-up lines that go increasingly off the rails.
To see visuals of Emily’s outdoor adventures in Madrid (New York, not Europe) and the occasional thotty photo : @escapadeswithemily
There was no question that this season of The Bachelorette was going to be a shit show. The disjointed production due to COVID delays, the frantic recasting of the contestants to bring in more age-appropriate men, the accusation that a contestant was there for the wrong reasons before the show even aired (only for that contestant to be rewarded by being cast in the role of Bachelor). And then of course, the lead’s eventual decision to burn the whole Bachelor process to the ground, in classic 2020 fashion. But we’ll get to that.
All of the above aside, a few elements immediately distinguished Clare from previous leads. Most widely discussed is her age.
Of course, the fact that she’s 39 a) shouldn’t matter at all b) is hardly believable when we keep seeing shots of her like this:
But as someone who has felt those pressures at age TWENTY-NINE, I fully understand that this narrative is sadly unavoidable.
Then, there’s the fact that she wasn’t plucked from the top four of a recently aired season, and is best known for this now-famed 2014 franchise departure:
Finally, there’s the fact that she’s appeared on the show a total of FIVE times.
My introduction to the Bachelor franchise was with Chris Soules in 2015, so I was curious to examine if these three characteristics were ACTUALLY noteworthy relative to the franchise leads of the past five years, or if they just felt noteworthy on the surface.
Age:
Clare – 39
Most comparable Bachelor: Arie Luyendyk / Nick Viall – 36 (at time of filming)
Most comparable Bachelorette: Rachel Lindsay – 32 (at time of filming)
Length of franchise history:
Clare – 6 years (2014-2020)
Most comparable Bachelor: Arie Luyendyk – 6 years (2012 – 2018)
Most comparable Bachelorette: none (Kaitlyn, Jojo, Rachel, Becca, and Hannah were all cast as leads the year immediately after being introduced as contestants)
Number of franchise appearances:
Clare – 5
Most comparable Bachelor: Nick Viall – 4
Most comparable Bachelorette: none (Kaitlyn, Jojo, Rachel, Becca, and Hannah all appeared only 2 times – as contestants, then as the lead)
So while Clare IS in fact unique as far as Bachelorettes go, her situation isn’t all that different from Nick and Arie’s. Which raised the question – how does the narrative of being an older than average lead with a longstanding history within the franchise differ for a man vs. a woman? Not much, I was pleasantly surprised to learn.
Honestly, the subtext of the messaging for all three leads is essentially the same – Tune in to see if this is the year their love life FINALLY turns around.
If you were to ask Clare, this IS in fact the time that her love life turns around:
There’s always an early frontrunner, but usually the lead at least pretends that the other contestants stand a chance, instead of just losing all sense of chill at the first fourth former football player to waltz out of the limo. Of course, this has raised endless speculation about the legitimacy of this “love at first sight” encounter, and there are unsurprisingly many suspicions about communication that may have transpired between Clare and Dale beforehand. But either intentionally or coincidentally, Clare does her part to foreshadow this truly unfathomable encounter:
Deep diving into the remaining introductions feels a bit futile given what we already know about the progression of Clare’s relationship with Dale, but for Tayshia’s sake, let’s just examine what some of the other men were bringing to the table.
Part of me can’t even blame Clare for refusing to BS her way through this season after seeing these intros. The night gets off to a TRULY underwhelming start:
Ben, you’re focusing on breathing exercises; Dale is literally taking her breath away. You are not the same.
In fact, the majority of the intros were very lackluster. As always, there were the cheesy pick-up lines:
The guys who, like Clare, and honestly like anyone who’s been single during quarantine, have lost their chill in the absence of human contact:
Then there are the obligatory gimmicky entrances.
Before watching this I had no idea that Clare did this for her own limo exit, so the interaction was jarring, to say the least.
To Eazy’s point, while these are admittedly helpful for leaving an impression, it’s unlikely that the resulting impression is going to be “future husband”….unless you go the route he took and literally spell it out for her.
Among the few who stood out for the right reasons were:
Mike, who understands the struggle of a woman who has to wear heels for a long night, especially a woman who is just becoming reacquainted with heels after a quarantine dominated by house slippers.
Kenny, who I was going prepared to roast for his t-shirt and blazer combo before realizing that he’s actually a genius:
He is, however, a “boy band manager” in an era without boy bands, so the jury is still out on him.
And despite falling into the “gimmicky” category, I actually really liked Tyler C’s station wagon intro:
This had a lot more charm than Bennett’s flashy, on the nose Bentley intro, and it was coupled with what seemed like a genuine sentiment. I know snitching is a sure path to elimination in Bachelor world, but I thought that this intro coupled with the West Virginia accent might have been enough to get Tyler a free pass just this once. Alas, both Tyler and I were quite mistaken.
Tyler C may have sacrificed his own journey on the show in hopes of revealing the villain of the season, but I think the real twist will be that on her fifth franchise run the lead herself winds up living out the Harvey Dent prophecy – “You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.”
Should 2020 deliver on nothing else, may it at least finally deliver on Chris Harrison’s perpetual promise of “the most dramatic season ever.”
This week I interview the founder of matchmaking company Three Day Rule, Talia Goldstein. We discuss how the dating game has evolved since the company’s inception in 2013, and she reveals why her business has flourished in the face of both an upswing in dating apps and an unforeseen pandemic. We discuss how seemingly limitless options on the apps lead people to set impossibly high standards – like seeking out the wealthy, 6-foot tall businessman who represents a mere 1% of the male dating pool. We close out the episode with Talia’s expert opinion on which fictional couples are actually well-suited for each other, and which are better off broken up.
Follow Three Day Rule for dating life inspiration and heartwarming success stories : @threedayrule
Dive into the world of matchmaking and sign-up for the database at : threedayrule.com
This week I interview long-term high school friend Amanda Gittleman. We reflect on how growing up in “America’s Finest City” shaped our predisposition to hating Los Angeles, and how our opinions have changed after twelve years, days worth of traffic, and a handful of memorable celebrity encounters. Amanda shares what it was like to work one block off of Rodeo Drive, in a job that indirectly introduced her to Janice Dickinson, Bradley Cooper, and most importantly, her now-husband, Davey Varella. We recap the journey of their relationship, which evolved from a chemistry-fueled friendship into a serious relationship just months before she moved across the country for two years. A very relatable listen for anyone who’s ever struggled with any aspect of a long distance relationship, like how to resolve fights from afar, ensuring love language needs are being met, and managing the often unfair expectations people place on your relationship when you do finally return to the same city.
Today’s episode explores a different philosophy around online dating, as I interview cofounders Julie Griggs and Danielle Dietzek about the vision behind their dating app, Fourplay. We discuss how one spontaneous, unsuccessful double date experience evolved into a much more successful business venture centered around dating exclusively in duos. They explain how their mission extends beyond giving people a built-in wingperson, and actually serves to reduce the anxiety and dangers currently associated with meeting a stranger for a one-on-one date. The episode closes with a spirited debate around which guy would get our attention if we found ourselves on a double date with these iconic bromance pairs.
Download “Fourplay – Double Dating App” from the Apple App Store or Google Play Store to bring a little more Fourplay into your dating life! Find them on:
