This week Liana Pavane and I discuss modern breakups more realistic than Che Diaz’s “two-FaceTime” story. She shares how a phone call breakup drove her to break out of toxic dating patterns and explore a “selfship” before getting back out there. We discuss why you need to create your own closure, and concrete steps towards to recovering from a breakup. On the flip side, we outline how to execute good breakup etiquette in regards to timing, location, and depth of explanation – and reflect on our past experiences that served as examples of what NOT to do.
Jenna Langbaum, author of Me In Search of You, gives an honest and unfiltered view of what it’s actually like to date in New York through short stories that span everything from a first date rife with overshares, Bumble profile dealbreakers, and the sinking realization you’re being ghosted by someone you weren’t even that into. She distinguishes the few moments in the city that DO actually make you feel like Carrie Bradshaw vs. the modern dating experiences that are notably absent from Sex and the City, Gossip Girl, Friends, and the like.
For more of Me in Search of You (and some bonus stories) : @jennalangbaum
This week Ryanne Gatti rejoins me to dissect the subject of many a group chat – the situationship. What is it? (A mess.) What are the red flags to watch out for? (“Looking for something casual” on Bumble.) How do you tell if you’re already in one? (If you have to ask, you probably are). We give real answers to all of these questions and share our advice on how to get out of your entanglement and into a committed relationship.
For more deep podcast discussions from two girls who are legit qualified to give life advice : Dope Shit My Therapist Says on Apple Podcasts or Spotify
There was no question that this season of The Bachelorette was going to be a shit show. The disjointed production due to COVID delays, the frantic recasting of the contestants to bring in more age-appropriate men, the accusation that a contestant was there for the wrong reasons before the show even aired (only for that contestant to be rewarded by being cast in the role of Bachelor). And then of course, the lead’s eventual decision to burn the whole Bachelor process to the ground, in classic 2020 fashion. But we’ll get to that.
All of the above aside, a few elements immediately distinguished Clare from previous leads. Most widely discussed is her age.
Of course, the fact that she’s 39 a) shouldn’t matter at all b) is hardly believable when we keep seeing shots of her like this:
But as someone who has felt those pressures at age TWENTY-NINE, I fully understand that this narrative is sadly unavoidable.
Then, there’s the fact that she wasn’t plucked from the top four of a recently aired season, and is best known for this now-famed 2014 franchise departure:
Finally, there’s the fact that she’s appeared on the show a total of FIVE times.
My introduction to the Bachelor franchise was with Chris Soules in 2015, so I was curious to examine if these three characteristics were ACTUALLY noteworthy relative to the franchise leads of the past five years, or if they just felt noteworthy on the surface.
Age:
Clare – 39
Most comparable Bachelor: Arie Luyendyk / Nick Viall – 36 (at time of filming)
Most comparable Bachelorette: Rachel Lindsay – 32 (at time of filming)
Length of franchise history:
Clare – 6 years (2014-2020)
Most comparable Bachelor: Arie Luyendyk – 6 years (2012 – 2018)
Most comparable Bachelorette: none (Kaitlyn, Jojo, Rachel, Becca, and Hannah were all cast as leads the year immediately after being introduced as contestants)
Number of franchise appearances:
Clare – 5
Most comparable Bachelor: Nick Viall – 4
Most comparable Bachelorette: none (Kaitlyn, Jojo, Rachel, Becca, and Hannah all appeared only 2 times – as contestants, then as the lead)
So while Clare IS in fact unique as far as Bachelorettes go, her situation isn’t all that different from Nick and Arie’s. Which raised the question – how does the narrative of being an older than average lead with a longstanding history within the franchise differ for a man vs. a woman? Not much, I was pleasantly surprised to learn.
Honestly, the subtext of the messaging for all three leads is essentially the same – Tune in to see if this is the year their love life FINALLY turns around.
If you were to ask Clare, this IS in fact the time that her love life turns around:
There’s always an early frontrunner, but usually the lead at least pretends that the other contestants stand a chance, instead of just losing all sense of chill at the first fourth former football player to waltz out of the limo. Of course, this has raised endless speculation about the legitimacy of this “love at first sight” encounter, and there are unsurprisingly many suspicions about communication that may have transpired between Clare and Dale beforehand. But either intentionally or coincidentally, Clare does her part to foreshadow this truly unfathomable encounter:
Deep diving into the remaining introductions feels a bit futile given what we already know about the progression of Clare’s relationship with Dale, but for Tayshia’s sake, let’s just examine what some of the other men were bringing to the table.
Part of me can’t even blame Clare for refusing to BS her way through this season after seeing these intros. The night gets off to a TRULY underwhelming start:
Ben, you’re focusing on breathing exercises; Dale is literally taking her breath away. You are not the same.
In fact, the majority of the intros were very lackluster. As always, there were the cheesy pick-up lines:
The guys who, like Clare, and honestly like anyone who’s been single during quarantine, have lost their chill in the absence of human contact:
Then there are the obligatory gimmicky entrances.
Before watching this I had no idea that Clare did this for her own limo exit, so the interaction was jarring, to say the least.
To Eazy’s point, while these are admittedly helpful for leaving an impression, it’s unlikely that the resulting impression is going to be “future husband”….unless you go the route he took and literally spell it out for her.
Among the few who stood out for the right reasons were:
Mike, who understands the struggle of a woman who has to wear heels for a long night, especially a woman who is just becoming reacquainted with heels after a quarantine dominated by house slippers.
Kenny, who I was going prepared to roast for his t-shirt and blazer combo before realizing that he’s actually a genius:
He is, however, a “boy band manager” in an era without boy bands, so the jury is still out on him.
And despite falling into the “gimmicky” category, I actually really liked Tyler C’s station wagon intro:
This had a lot more charm than Bennett’s flashy, on the nose Bentley intro, and it was coupled with what seemed like a genuine sentiment. I know snitching is a sure path to elimination in Bachelor world, but I thought that this intro coupled with the West Virginia accent might have been enough to get Tyler a free pass just this once. Alas, both Tyler and I were quite mistaken.
Tyler C may have sacrificed his own journey on the show in hopes of revealing the villain of the season, but I think the real twist will be that on her fifth franchise run the lead herself winds up living out the Harvey Dent prophecy – “You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.”
Should 2020 deliver on nothing else, may it at least finally deliver on Chris Harrison’s perpetual promise of “the most dramatic season ever.”
